i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
