And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
