he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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