I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
