I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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