youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
