thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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