found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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