You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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