My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
