how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
