And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
