I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
