"it" just moved
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
