Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
