i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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