i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
