she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz