Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room