youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My bed smells like the plague
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....