was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.