I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!