Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
