I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
