Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
