Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
