who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
