I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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