I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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