I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
