Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
