So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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