So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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