riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
