I am puke
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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