nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Betty ford says i'm here all night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
