And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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