were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
