would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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