The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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