Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
