My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
