i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
