Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
