My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
