I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
