my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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