I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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