I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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