actually, I'm a sock model
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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