you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
