I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
