literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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