the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize