I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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