tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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