Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
