Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
