Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
