I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
