im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
