ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
