You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
