Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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