I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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