thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
