So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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